Navigating the Intricacies of Dating while Legally Separated

Heading into Legal Separation

Legal separation is when a married couple goes through court proceedings to separate, but are still legally married. In most cases couples have to live separate and apart, prior to being able to file for a legal separation. However, Pennsylvania allows parties to file for a legal separation after simply filing for divorce, even if you haven’t lived separate and apart. To obtain a legal separation, the party seeking separation must prove they have the right to do so by filing a petition for support.
While married, separation does not affect who owns specific assets or how assets will be distributed during divorce. A legal separation provides the benefit of allowing parties to resolve issues when they are not able to communicate well with one another, because you will be getting a Court Order attached to it . By separating, the obligation to pay for debts such as a mortgage or regular bills may also become unambiguous. However, once you obtain a legal separation and remain separated, then a period of separation begins towards obtaining your divorce.
Once your divorce date is finalized, there is an automatic 90-day waiting period after you file. The period of separation will begin at that moment, if you did not previously have a separation agreement or a prior period of separation. A period of separation in Pennsylvania is defined as a period of time where a married couple lives separate and apart with no wish to resume the marital relationship.

Legal Considerations of Dating while Separated

For many couples, dating during the legal separation process is inevitable. Whether it’s to avoid becoming bored or to self-medicate the emotional pain of being apart, there are a number of reasons why you may choose to begin dating someone else during a separation. However, keep in mind that there are a number of ways in which it can affect your case. In some cases, dating while you’re legally separated can impact the divorce proceedings and the settlement terms. For example, the process of asset division commonly grants a percentage of the marital assets to each spouse, and the nonnupital property is generally awarded to the spouse that acquired that asset during the marriage. However, if you plan to move in with your date, your spouse may argue that it’s marital property, particularly if the person in question owns the home. From there, it can be a long process to prove otherwise and keep assets appropriately divided.
Dating while you’re separated can also have an impact on child custody arrangements. When deciding where a child should live, there are a number of factors that the judge will consider, including the need for stability, the ability of the candidates to care for their children, and more. If you and your date live together, it will raise additional questions. For example: is the relationship stable? Is the household appropriate for children? For this reason, if you ever plan to date while separated, you should speak to your lawyer to ensure that you’ve divided your assets appropriately and that you understand how it could impact your custody meeting.
In addition to dividing assets and determining child custody, there’s also the issue of spousal support. In cases where your spouse is eligible for support, courts will determine the terms of the support based on their expenses, capabilities, and needs. However, as with assets, you can expect that dating during the separation will heavily influence the decision. If your spouse’s expenses are now less than they were when the two of you were living together, you could be required to pay lower spousal support.

Emotions behind Dating while Separated

When it comes to dating while legally separated, there is no underestimating the psychological component as well. From the perspectives of both the dating person and the soon to be ex-spouse, it is rarely easy to go out into the dating world while the divorce is pending for those who are truly looking for a deep and meaningful relationship. The emotional land mines are everywhere and, more often than not, a dating relationship is used to buffer oneself against the difficult process of divorce but it often backfires. From the perspective of the one dating someone in the process of divorce, it is difficult not to feel like a pawn in their game. While you may have no intention of being a rebound for the divorced person, the odds of it happening are great – as is the sting when you are inevitably dismissed as just that. Simply put, the odds are great that the so-called connection you feel with the "person who is getting a divorce" is really not much more than "a temporary balm over a painful wound" – their pain, that is. You are the distraction that helps them cope. But, often, even the most recent of field bandages can’t help the separating spouse cope with the finality of divorce. The separating spouse also suffers, almost more so than the one with whom they are dating. Unless reconciliations into the second marriage are part of your worldview, you are a transition in their lives and nothing much more, and, when the end of the divorce process approaches, your life together could be dismissed as if it were a contract or a partnership gone bad. It is no wonder that many relationships that start during a divorce often almost end as soon as the divorce occurs. Beyond the psychology of separating and re-dating, there is the added pressure of seeking approval of your social network. Whether you hang with people who approve of your every decision, or whether you have folks around you who question everything you do, you are going to hear it from them if you introduce them to your "new person" while your divorce is pending. Whether they think that you are damaging your standing in the community, or that you are damaging your children, or that you are wasting time, or that you are compromising your legal position, or that you have moved too quickly into a new relationship, or whatever, it is a rare individual who will not have an opinion about your decision to date before a divorce is finalized, and you should not take the "criticism" personally. They may genuinely be trying to save you from yourself, or they may have a pious, judgmental viewpoint that doesn’t allow room for your exceptions to their rules. Either way, their responses are usually driven by psychological issues of their own, and have little to do with you. Again, though, when you are in a vulnerable position at an already vulnerable point in your life, it is hard to know where to start in addressing and mitigating the challenges posed by the people around you. And, if you are filed for divorce, then the last thing that you need is added pressure that has a chance of destabilizing you. If you feel that you cannot control your social network’s response to your choices, then the best thing that you may be able to do is to limit the amount of exposure that those people have to your decisions – or, at least until you make the best choices for yourself.

Finding Common Sense when Dating while Separated

While you are legally separated from your spouse, you are free to date if you like. Dating during your separation can be an effective way to move forward and spread your wings so to speak. However, it is important to keep some considerations in mind:
Boundaries. No matter what the status of your relationship with your spouse is, you should set certain boundaries and rules around your dating life. You should also be open with your date about your situation and that you are not legally divorced yet. There is no law that says it is illegal for someone to date a married person, but you may run into trouble in a court later if the judge believes that your actions were irresponsible and negatively affected the lives of your children or helped destroy your marriage.
Respect family traditions. Some families have traditions for holidays and vacations that they look forward to honoring every year. Do your best to honor these traditions for the sake of your children . Using common sense, maturity, and a little forethought can go a long way in assuring your children that you still want to keep them connected to as many traditions as possible, no matter what has happened between you and your spouse.
Don’t flaunt your dating life in front of your spouse. While there’s no harm in dating during your legal separation, do not rub it in your spouse’s face. This goes back to showing respect for the family unit as much as possible, even if you are no longer living together.
Don’t expect too much too soon. Even if you are only separated, you are still going through a difficult time. As such, realize that you need to take things slow and not expect everything to happen all at once. Give yourself enough time to heal from the divorce before you dive head first into a new relationship.
Be honest and clear with your partners on your status. If you just got divorced last week and you are already dating again, it is wise to be upfront with any potential partners about your situation. Some people are okay dating a recently divorced person, but others are not. Being forthright could also help the relationship from starting off on the wrong foot.

Speaking with a Legal Professional

The intricacies of legal separation and dating are best navigated with the help of an experienced legal professional. An attorney can help you understand the status of your relationship, determine what types of information you need to share with the important people in your life, and more. While the act of dating in itself isn’t prohibited in most cases, it’s important to remember that the legal ramifications of intimate relationships can be severe.
In addition to ensuring you aren’t unwittingly breaking the terms of your legal agreement with enabling behavior , your attorney can help you avoid future problems. They can confirm that your understanding of the separation agreement is accurate, whether you are dealing with child custody, health insurance, or other issues that could be impacted by the decision to date or remarry. After all, the terms of your separation agreement won’t necessarily be the same terms as your divorce.
As a result, your plan for dating during a legal separation may be subject to change as you negotiate the details of the divorce itself. Your lawyer can help you to make informed decisions and manage your emotions during this difficult time.